Thursday, December 20, 2012

Start 'em young (then don't let them finish - it pisses them off.)



A couple of more days have passed. It’s time for an update.

My writing group meets on Tuesday nights at the bookstore. We spend about an hour talking about our various projects and brainstorming. Any editing we do is electronic during the week, so we don’t waste time arguing over commas or whatever. The meeting degenerates into a science fiction discussion pretty quickly, depending on what is new on TV or at the movies. We are all nerds, but we have a great time. 

I got out to my car to find the word “bitch” written in the dirt. This is a pretty regular occurrence. I didn’t notice it right away the first couple of times it happened, so I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I thought maybe it was some kids I’d run out of the coffee shop for stealing from the tip jar or something like that. But, a pattern began to emerge – it only happened on Tuesday nights when I arrived at the bookstore prior to my husband’s girlfriend leaving for the day. She works there, though I don’t know why, since she is dumb as a post and her manager thinks she is immature and irresponsible. I have thought about writing something on her car, but I refuse to sink to her level. I am also not going to tattle on her to my husband, because that’s just juvenile. In fact, I find myself egging her on a bit now by parking where she will have to pass my car to get to hers. The whole group thinks it is funny, and one or the other of the guys will watch out the window to catch her in the act – then we mock her a bit.

Tuesday night it snowed. I was really disappointed all day because the weather guy said it was going to snow. All we got all day long were a few tantalizing flakes, fat and slow, teasing us with the prospect of really good snowballs. At 2130 or so I checked out the window and nothing. I went to the bathroom and by the time I got back it was falling thick and heavy and there was at least a half an inch on the lawn. It was awesome. I opened all of the blinds and slept in the living room so I could watch it all night. When I shoveled the driveway in the morning, it was about eight inches. That was a workout! The city did a great job on the roads, though, and they were pretty clear. The kids even had to go to school. I’ll bet there were a lot of kids disappointed at losing out on that driveway shoveling money. I know there were some disappointed teachers shuffling in for a cup of coffee in the morning.

We ended up NOT going to Moab for mountain biking. We would have damaged the trails, if we could have even found them. I was kind of OK with that. We all hung out together making soup and drinking vodka until it was time for the ugly sweater party. I have an ugly sweater. It gets disqualified every year because it doesn’t look like a Christmas sweater, which is discriminatory. It never says “Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.” It is obscenely ugly, made more so because it is a legitimate sweater that people were supposed to keep in their wardrobe and wear as part of their regular sweater rotation. My mother-in-law gave it to me for our very first Christmas. It was the first proof of how much she didn’t like me. It is black with highlighter pink, yellow and green tulips and bunnies all over it. Everyone agrees that it is a supremely ugly sweater, but I get knocked out of the running every year by sweaters with reindeer or skating snowmen. There is a little political maneuvering going on, too, because the town historian always makes the top ten even though the red cardinals on pine trees are actually quite pretty. I will continue to wear my ugly sweater on principle and am gratified by the comments about how hideous it really is.

I went to the dentist this morning. Apparently, I have a lot of tartar. I have tartar friendly saliva. I don’t see what the big deal is, really. I get the tartar cleaned off. I brush my teeth. I am a forty three year old woman and I’ve never had any cavities in my permanent teeth, and I still have three baby teeth. That has to count for something. Still, I love the dentist – he is gentle and friendly. Going there is a joy and I am lucky to have such a good one.

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